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Posted on Apr 25, 2012 in Weigh Ins, Weight Loss | 23 comments

Backtracking (Weigh-in)

I know I say this a lot.

Onward!”

I’m getting back on track!”

Strengthening my resolve!”

Etc, etc, etc.

Well, this should come as no surprise to you all, but I’m saying it all again. Of course, the difference is that this time I actually feel like I mean it.

See, I’ve been skirting around this whole weight loss thing for the better part of the past year, holding on to one not-insignificant, though often-inflated, accomplishment: the fact that I lost 60 pounds once. Hey, did you know I lost 60 pounds? I lost 60 pounds! I used to be obese and now I’m just overweight! 60 pounds!

And while my intentions really have always been to keep going, to lose just a little more weight, to follow through to my original goal, my actions weren’t doing much to prove it. No longer being completely disgusted with the way that I looked naked was making me think, well, maybe I don’t really need to lose any more weight. Or rather, maybe I don’t want to. But I kept blogging, I kept saying that I was recommitting, I kept pretending to strengthen my resolve because, well, I’m a weight loss blogger. That’s what I do. Oh, and didn’t you hear that I’ve already lost 60 pounds?

Then my girl Cassie wrote a kickass blog post earlier this month about facing the truth when it comes to her weight loss (or lack thereof), and it struck a serious chord with yours truly. I had wrapped up my identity so much in those 60 pounds I had already lost, I was blinding myself to my own truth. Under the false pretense of saying I’m content with how I look, or taking tortoise vs. hare metaphors and applying them to weight loss, or saying that I am purposefully trying not to slip back into my disordered eating habits, the truth of the matter is that I’ve just been lazy.

It’s never been that I don’t want to lose more. I do. Of course I do. I know that there are crazy tall and/or athletic women for whom 180 pounds looks like 140, but no average-height, soft, mildly athletic girl will ever tell you that her ultimate, ideal weight is 186 pounds. Even if she “carries it well”, or “still looks healthy”. Even if she really has made some outstanding progress in her weight loss so far. Yes, I started this blog at 246 pounds, and I lost 60 of them. But I became complacent. I stopped actively counting calories. Yes, I started exercising more regularly which is awesome for me, but I’ve also been eating pretty much whatever I want so as a result I’ve been gaining and losing, regaining and relosing, the same five pounds ever since. I don’t want to be stagnant anymore. I want forward motion.

I know I’ve said all of this before. And sure, there’s probably a high likelihood that I will be saying it all again at some point. But I do mean it. I am going to be making some changes. Or rather, making some changes BACK. In addition to the new habit I’ve picked up of actually working out/running a couple times each week (this is big progress for me, guys!), this week I’ve put my actions where my mouth (or rather, fingers) are.

I’m cutting back on my dairy consumption again, since I’ve been in denial about how much it wrecks my digestive system. And upset-tummy-Gretchen is a Gretchen who justifies french fries for lunch and pasta for dinner. I’m eating breakfast again — SO important for me, but something I’ve let fall by the wayside. I’m trying to shift my eating back into day-long grazing/5-6 small meals a day instead of the 3 squares a day that I’ve lapsed back into. I am going to start juicing again so at the very least I’m getting in vegetables SOMEHOW, and I’m going to be limiting my coffee intake (though not today. I really needed it today, haha). And I’m upping the ante on my water intake, since being properly hydrated (over hydrated, in fact) has been crucial in supporting all of the above for me.

Let’s see whether or not these “new” changes have gotten me off to a good start or not, after my post-birthday weight gain from last week, shall we?

Starting Weight: 246 lbs
Last Weigh-in: 194.0 lbs
This Weigh-in: 191.0 lbs
Difference: -3.0 lbs

Well, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping that I would have magically lost all 5.6 pounds I had gained over the previous two weeks, but I will most certainly take it. Here we go again. 🙂

PS: Since this post is starkly lacking in pictures, I offer you the following photo that Ben took of a very fluffy Daxter who weaseled his way into an under-bed storage box. You’re welcome.

Daxter's New Bed

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Posted on Aug 13, 2010 in Weight Loss | 4 comments

IRON WILLED WOMAN!!

Just a quick update to note that I am amazing and have willpower like a rhino. Or… someone that has a lot of willpower.

Just came back from lunch with coworkers (California Pizza Kitchen! I was dreading it) but thanks to my trusty iPhone 4 (::shameless plug::) I was able to look up the nutritional information since it wasn’t posted on the menu, and got something *relatively* healthy. I opted for the half-sized grilled vegetable salad with grilled chicken breast  which is listed at 615 calories (way huge sodium content though.) But it had yummy portabello mushrooms, zucchini, asparagus and avocado over romaine with some kind of vinaigrette-y dressing. So I ate up all the toppings (didn’t eat all the avocado due to my overdose yesterday) and some of the romaine and was SUPER stuffed, so I’m going to assume it was a little less than the 615 for total calories consumed.

Anyway, the iron-willed part comes in with what transpired AFTER CPK. My boss wanted something sweet. So she was going to order dessert at the restaurant, which I declined when she asked if I was interested (a couple points there already, right?) THEN, she remembered the CAKELOVE STAND DOWN THE HALL from CPK in the mall. My first thoughts were, “Oh, Lord help me.” Cakelove cupcakes, fyi, are incredible. I actually have a groupon for a baker’s dozen (13) of them that I bought before I embarked on this whole health venture… may have to use as a treat for my office come Christmas season (lucky them!)

So, your good friend Gretchen here stood in front of the glass display of delicately frosted nuggets of deliciousness and didn’t budge. My coworkers each bought one (and my boss got four, hahaha) but I held my resolve. Hooray! It helped that I was totally stuffed from my salad, but still… I was literally salivating.

So, be proud of me friends! Let’s hope I can keep it up for the rest of the night – it’s potluck time tonight. My roommate and I have big plans for a thorough housecleaning though, so I’m sure I’ll be sweating up a storm (our house is gross, haha.) More to come later!

<3

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