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Posted on Oct 26, 2011 in Dear Diary, Food, Weigh Ins | 35 comments

The Ultimate Frustration (Weigh-in)

All right: first things first. Thank you all so, so much for your comments on yesterday’s post on debt. I was more terrified publishing that than I have ever been about posting my weight (though that may have changed after this morning’s weigh-in…) and I was blown away by your willingness to share your own financial stories as well. It is, as always, very comforting to know that I’m certainly not alone in my struggles.

So what better way to recover from the emotional stress of confessing my financial woes to the world than by spending even more money on my favoritist thing ever?

Suuuuuushi

Oh, c’mon, I kid! I kid! Don’t worry, this guy paid:

Tag Along
And he was super psyched about it, too!

Yep, even amongst all my preparing for my upcoming Ottawa trip (I leave tomorrow!), Steve and I managed to find time for a quick but awesome (as usual) sushi dinner at Koi Koi. Well, sushi for me, teriyaki for him. Getting his sushi-resistant self just to take me to the restaurant is progress enough for me though!

Onlookers

And before dinner? A smile-inducing trip to the dog park!

Leader of the Pack
Gimme!

Daxter, ever the social butterfly, managed to make friends with the big dogs…

Big Dog, Little Dog

… as well as the even-smaller-than-he-is dogs.

Who's the wiener?

While Harry, reporting for duty as the fun police, was quick to break up encounters with any of the aforementioned big dogs that could have possibly roughed up his little bro.

Roaming Free

It’s actually pretty cute that he’s so protective of Daxter, though somewhat obnoxious. I guess Harry’s just a family man dog, through and through.

Family

And now for the main event. I hope you have the above images of happy puppies deeply ingrained in your mind, ’cause it’s weigh-in time. And I’ve already alluded to the fact that this morning did not bring pleasant news (which is just what I wanted right before taking a trip to the land of beavertails and poutine!) There’s no use delaying the inevitable, so here it is:

Starting Weight: 246 lbs
Last Weigh-in: 186.0 lbs
This Weigh-in: 188.3 lbs
Difference: +2.3 lbs

WOMPITY WOMP WOMP WOMP.

*Deep breath*

Okay, so perhaps you can see why this is, er, mildly frustrating. Like, back to the 5 Stages of Grief type-frustrating. The last time I stepped on a scale, albeit unofficially, I was down to 183 lbs. Of course, this was in the wake of my latest kidney stone episode and my eating & drinking had been totally out of whack. Since I hadn’t been eating much, I knew that weigh-in didn’t count. Still, I couldn’t simply forget about that three-pound loss, “real” or not. And now I’ve actually gained two pounds from my last “official” weigh-in, which actually puts FIVE extra pounds on the scale from what I had last seen!

WTF?

This isn’t necessarily an “I don’t know what happened!” kind of situation. It’s not like I can’t guess at some of the probable factors that contributed to this gain: My body trying to regulate itself after three days of barely eating and haphazard fluid consumption. Sushi last night, which means soy sauce, which means sodium, which leads to water retention. Celebrating my dad’s early birthday Sunday. Emotional tensions running high in my house leading to emotional eating. And so on, and so forth.

But it isn’t as if these things (aside from the kidney-stone-induced loss of appetite) are that out of the ordinary for me. And part of what makes this gain particularly frustrating is that I’ve actually been exercising, running, and legitimately TRYING in terms of physical activity, which, as you’re all aware, is certainly NOT the norm for me. I’ve been sticking to my race training plan surprisingly well, and the miles are starting to get easier. But evidently, the scale doesn’t really seem to care about how hard I’m trying in the fitness department. Ugh.

It’s just so difficult, because the truth is that I often feel quite happy at the weight I am right now. I feel accomplished for having lost as much weight as I have. I feel beautiful most of the time, and sometimes, if I’m dressed just right, I even feel–gasp!–thin. But acknowledging that, I still KNOW that I want to lose more weight, that I can still be much healthier, that I have further to go. I know that I’m still overweight, though VASTLY less so than I used to be, and I want to continue to make strides in the right direction. It sometimes feels as if I am battling myself, almost as if being in any way happy with my body means I can’t make progress in my weight loss. And that kind of thinking borders very dangerously on the self-loathing mentality that I swore never to return to. Like I said: it’s frustrating.

Sorry to be ending this wit a bit of a downer. Just scroll back up to the puppies and everything will be okay! I mean, it’s not like I’m not giving up (aw, HELL no!), I knew from the beginning that I was in this for the long haul. So I let myself deal, I get it all out here, and I press on.

So say we all.

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Posted on Mar 7, 2011 in Fail, Weight Loss | 21 comments

PLAT-oh.

SO.

I guess you can probably guess what this week’s weigh-in brought:

Starting Weight: 246.0 lbs.
Last Week’s Weight: 199.5 lbs.
This Week’s Weight: 199.5 lbs.
Change: -0/+0 lbs.
Total Loss-to-Date: -46.5 lbs

A big fat NADA. Yeeeeeeah. I know, I know, I know. I should be proud of the 46 pounds I’ve already lost, it’s just one week, my body is changing and adapting, my metabolic rate my have changed since I was at 246, I should be glad that at least I didn’t gain any weight this week, blahblahblah. The point remains that I’ve just been bouncing around between fractions of a pound for almost a month now. A .3 pound gain here, a .5 loss here… le sigh.

It’s frustrating. Like being stuck in traffic, or coming back to work after a long weekend and having to wait for 15 minutes just Outlook to open because you have so many unread emails, or getting a papercut (all three of these things have already happened to me today, BTW.) Usually if I gain weight, or even if I just don’t lose weight from week to week, I know it’s my fault. I ate crap too often or too much, I didn’t do any exercise whatsoever, etc. But this week I really thought I did well! I thought I was setting myself up for success, save for a small lapse into french fries and frickles at Mad Fox Saturday night, haha. I did yoga, I juiced, I had a completely meatless and mostly dairy-free week (except for some salmon and mushroom stroganoff–cream–sauce last night.)

So, yes, it is frustrating. I know I’ve kind of plateaued before, but again, I could always identify that it was specifically because of something I was or wasn’t doing. This time it feels a little different because I really have been trying. But okay. Enough whining. Let’s action plan this biyatch. Obviously what I *am* doing isn’t enough anymore. Whether that’s because my metabolism has slowed down due to the weight I’ve already lost or whatever, I clearly need to amp things up. Plus let’s not forget I do have that little ol’ 5K that I’m supposed to be rockstar-ing coming up at the end of the month!

Hokay. So.

Physical activity every single day. I know, I know, I’ve been really lame about the whole “regular” part of “regular exercise” lately. But I obviously don’t have an excuse anymore, since I’ve literally stopped losing weight. So if you don’t see me posting about having exercised on this blog in the upcoming week, CALL ME OUT! (I know my sister will love having an open invitation to do this, hahaha.) Today I will be either A) going for a run after work, B) do Bob Harper’s Yoga for the Warrior workout (SO INTENSE.), or C) do Level 2 of Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred. THIS IS HAPPENING.

I can no longer afford to literally sit on my laurels. Though my weight is (obviously) dramatically healthier than it WAS, I’m still not at a healthy weight. So, here I am, trying to turn my frustration into motivation (hehe, see what I did there?) and move on! Thank you guys in advance for all your support.

PS – I put together a Honey, I Shrunk the Gretchen! Amazon.com store where I can list the products that I feel have been instrumental in helping me reach my weight loss/health goals. Clickity click if you’re interested! And let me know if there’s something you’ve seen on the blog that you’d like me to list in the store or send you a link for, too. 🙂

PPS – Check out this awesome Lady Gaga “Born This Way” fully a cappella cover inspired by Operation Beautiful if you’re looking for a little self-esteem pick-me-up today. Goodness knows I needed it! 🙂

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