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Posted on Mar 18, 2013 in Dear Diary | 20 comments

What is Health? (Baby, don’t hurt me.)

Ha! After reading the title of this post, hopefully all of you have the song “What is Love” by Haddaway (made famous…er by the cinematic masterpiece Night at the Roxbury) stuck in your heads too. WELCOME TO MY HELL.

Also, hi. Happy Monday and whatnot. Today marks the official 1-week-til-baby day for my sister. Her due date is technically March 25th, so this weekend I’m headed down to Houston. Depending on the timing, I’ll either be welcoming the new little nugget (SQUEE! BABIES!), or I’ll helping my sister keep her sanity as she pushes a football out her hoo-ha in any way I can if the baby takes a little longer to come.

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Cue the episode of Friends, “The One Where Rachel is Late.” And man, this post is already full of delicious, outdated cultural references. Go me.

So, my weekend was actually pretty low key. Not a ton to report, which is a good thing for once! I’ve been able to do quite a bit of work on my second book, and get some ideas down for my upcoming (impending?) HUNGER GAMES-THEMED BIRTHDAY PARTY, which will be happening next month. Yes, I have an entire board on Pinterest dedicated to the planning of my Quarter Quell, and it. Is. Glorious. It might even blow last year’s Harry Potter party out of the water.

Man, I love my birthday.

So, somehow the planning of said party has made me mildly (very mildly) introspective about the nature of celebration, and how it relates to healthy living. You’ve probably already noticed a bit of a pattern with me, in that I really love to celebrate things. Blogiversary? Dog’s birthday? Mastered 6 chords on the ukulele? Let’s celebrate! And usually my kind of celebration involves food, as all good things do, which means I constantly am making excuses as to why I can break the “healthy” rules for one meal, one evening, one weekend. It’s a celebration, after all!

I’ve been trying to work on this. Trying to be “better” about my food choices, about eating out, about constantly “breaking the rules.” However, as I pinned yet another Jell-O shot recipe to my birthday party board, I started to wonder if I’ve been condemning myself for the wrong thing. Yes, this is a weight loss blog, and I am someone who is constantly trying to shape her life around healthy habits. But what IS health? Is it really just down to the nuts and bolts of what I put into my body, how much exercise I do, and the like? Of course not. Health is much more complete and complex–at least when it comes to total health, not just nutrition and fitness.

Okay, sure, I don’t think anybody’s going to give you license to eat a dozen cupcakes in one sitting cause it’s OMG!so healthy. But I wonder instead if the truly unhealthy thing about me right now is my mentality. I shouldn’t be getting on my own case about eating a cupcake, I should be scolding myself for always looking for an *excuse* to eat a cupcake. If I want a cupcake, I should have a cupcake (well, not right now, since I gave up desserts for Lent, but you know what I mean).

I’m struggling with a similar thing when it comes to revamping the ratios of my diet. I’ve said a few times now that I’m trying to focus on protein and healthy fat, over carbs and sugar. But I have an entire lifetime of thinking “fat is bad” to overcome in doing so. So yeah, it doesn’t really feel “right” when I’m ordering a steak instead of a salad, or eating half an avocado with my breakfast. I’m still trying to break my old thought-process when it comes to “dieting” (low-fat! Nonfat! Skim! Low-cal!) and it takes time. But I think that my overall health and happiness deserves that.

Nobody is going to make the argument that it’ll be healthy for me to get schwasted and have an epic time at my birthday party (at which, I should mention, there will also be cupcakes, hahahaha). But it IS arguable that the minor “damage” I’ll be taking that night is outweighed by the happiness and personal satisfaction that might come out of it. I’m sure I’m not really phrasing things correctly, but I think you all kind of know what I’m getting at by now.

For me, healthy living as I think a lot of us think of it–whole grains and kale salads and running 3 miles a day–is not something that will ever come naturally. Yes, I am a more informed, more restrained person than the 250-pound, binge-eating version of myself, but I am simply never going to be the girl who would honestly rather have a piece of fruit over a slice of cake. I will NEVER want to go for a jog, when I have the option to sit on my butt and watch episodes of anything on Netflix. I mean, I *might* do those things anyway, but it wont be because I WANT to. I’m just not hardwired that way. So instead of trying to completely revamp my life, deny myself the things I know that I like–and will always like–and leave room for deprivation to lead to unsatisfaction, and unsatisfaction to lead to unhappiness, and unhappiness to lead me right back into binge eating (or some other equally destructive behavior), I make smaller changes. I try to make good choices, and still leave room for the occasional bad one.

Consider this my official statement saying that I’m done trying to constantly fit my life into whatever standards of “healthy living” I’ve worked up in my head. After all, it’s not some all-or-nothing kind of thing. It’s not like once I stray outside the boundary lines, I’m gonna get kicked out of the healthy living club. The healthy living police aren’t going to come take away my domain name. From now on, I will work healthy living into the kind of lifestyle I know that I want, which means that, yes, there will be TV-watching the occasional plate of cheese fries. But there will also be brussels sprouts and long walks with adorable schnauzers and good times spent with great friends.

A lifestyle that is mostly healthy, but more importantly, sustainable. Which, in my opinion, is better for me than a year of stringently healthy dieting and running, followed by a burnout that causes me to backslide even further down. I think I’m *finally* getting the concept of the whole 80/20 thing that healthy living…ers sometime preach. While, granted, my ratio might be more like 70/30… on a good day… I finally get the idea that I don’t have to strike for the 100% perfect ideal. I can allow myself “permission” to have it both ways. Kind of.

So, yes. My birthday will likely be the epitome of UNhealthy living. But after my night of Capitol-inspired debauchery, I’ll get up. And hopefully I won’t making proclamations about my need to start all over again, or how I need to “undo” the damage I did the night before. I’ll just pick up where I left off. I’ll continue on.

What is health to you? When you think of health, do you only think about your body, or do you account for your mind and emotions as well? When it comes to “healthy livng,” do you feel like it’s more important to set a high standard for yourself so you constantly have something to reach for? Or is forming a realistic lifestyle the key to long-term success?

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Posted on Mar 7, 2013 in Food | 10 comments

What I’m Eating These Days

First off, thanks for all your awesome comments and suggestions on yesterday’s, er, mildly uncomfortable post. I really appreciate how helpful you all are, and will definitely be implementing some of these strategies!

So with all my proclamations about how I’m changing up my diet and whatnot for my renewed weight loss, I imagine there be at least one or two of you out there who are curious as to what kind of stuff I’ve been eating lately. No? Well, I’m going to tell you anyway, so tough cookies. (Spoiler alert: cookies are, sadly, not something I’ve been eating.)

As a refresher, I’m embracing more protein and fats in my diet, and trying to actively reduce the number of refined carbs and excess sugar I consume. I’m certainly not carb-free or any such nonsense, and I allow myself the lenience to follow my cravings/not deprive myself (within reason). So when my future sister-in-law baked up a batch of awesome blueberry breakfast muffins, OBVIOUSLY I partook. I just slathered some coconut oil on it first. Thus far, I’m finding that aside from the issue I discussed (a little too openly) yesterday, I’m actually feeling pretty good. My periods of satiety are longer, so I’m actually not eating as frequently, and, as you guys know, I’ve lost over four pounds in the past month (which, granted, isn’t a rocketship pace, but considering how badly things were going for my weight loss before, I am pretty ecstatic).

Now because I’ve been absolutely heinous about taking pictures of my food lately as well (WHAT KIND OF BLOGGER AM I!?!), so you might be seeing a few repeat pictures here. But they illustrate the right kind of things, and primarily I’ll be painting you a picture with my words anyway. So, it’s cool. ‘Cause I’m, like, a writer. Kinda.

Anyway! A typical day of eats in my life these days, subject to frequent changes and falling-off-the-wagon… but it’s all about the effort, right? Heh.

Okay, breakfasts. This has really been the biggest overhaul, since most of my experience with breakfasts come in the form of cereal and/or bagels, neither of which fit into the new parameters of my diet. So typically, I’m having something like smoked salmon & cream cheese roll ups, or high-protein toast with half a mashed avocado and an egg patty on top. Both of these are delicious, fairly portable, and really (REALLY) satiating. I usually have some fruit, too–a pear, apple, or some grapes. f I’ve premade breakfasts earlier in the week, like my smoked salmon eggs cups, I can just heat those up and get going. If I have the time to actually sit down and eat breakfast instead of being in the car and cramming bites into my mouth between stoplights, I might do up some eggs and bacon.

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I’ve been finding these breakfasts keep me seriously full until lunchtime, so I’ve eliminated my need for mid-morning snacks. Which is good, because these breakfasts are higher in calories than, say, a bowl of Special K Red Berries with almond milk. But obviously it all works out!

Okay, so lunch–if I’ve been good about packing my lunch–generally is either dinner leftovers from the night before (which is the best when I’ve had STEAK FOR DINNER AHAHAHA), or strange little ensemble tasting plates. I’ve gotten REALLY into just like, a ton of different snacks, combined into lunch, lately. So, things like baby carrots and celery with hummus or sunbutter, a few slices of aged cheddar, grapes, lunch meat roll-ups, any leftover chicken/steak I might have, a Babybel cheese wheel, a hardboiled egg… etc, etc, etc. It’s fun, because it allows me a lot of variety in my lunches, and easy, because you can just store everything separately in the fridge, and grab whatevery you’re vibing on that morning.

Of course, I fall victim to the laziness of not packing/forgetting my lunch more often than is probably good, at which point I really have to steel myself against all the awesomeness that the food trucks bring to the area where I work on a daily basis. I mean, yes, there is a mac and cheese truck… and a grilled cheese truck… and lots of pho trucks… and an empanada truck… okay, I need to stop. Anyway, I often talk about how I don’t feel you have to give up going out for dinner or trying new restaurants (two of my favorite things) in order to lose weight, and buying lunch is no different. It’s just about finding something that fits. There are places nearby that offer great salad options, there’s a sushi truck, and tons of halal trucks that offer awesome meats served over salad, with chickpeas or spinach on the side. Om nom nom. Can you blame me for occasionally forgetting my lunch at home?

Aaaand, dinner. This is really the wildest card. I have dinner at my parents’ house once a week, and still tend to eat out quite a bit. But when it comes to cooking (if I’ve been good about grocery shopping) a lot of the time it’ll be something like marinated baked chicken or grilled steak with veggies (green beans, aparagus, brussels sprouts cooked in olive or coconut oil) and probably a salad on the side. If I’m feeling fancy, there might be shrimp or scallops involved, hehe. And there might also be some rice if I’m having dinner with Sean (he’s a rice man through and through, and I don’t say that because he’s half-Asian, I say it because I literally think if rice were the only food left on the planet, he would still be a very happy guy).


Half of this gorgeous filet would go on to become part of my lunch the next day.

Of course, as mentioned above, we still eat out kind a lot. I’m trying to be better about only eating out on the weekends, though it really is something I enjoy, so it’s tough. But from both a health- and monetary-standpoint, I know it’s something I need to work on. All that said, I just want to reemphasize the part about how it is still possible to eat healthy/in line with your current dietary preferences even at a restaurant. It’s just all about making certain choices, and not being afraid to ask about possible substitutions and whatnot.

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Scallops, brussels sprouts, and cauliflower from Clyde’s

Okay! So there we go! This ended up being a much wordier post than I was anticipating, so I’ll cut myself off here. Feel free to weigh in with any comments you may have about my current eats–I really value the insight that I glean from you guys. Plus, I know that someone out there has to have an opinion of some kind. ;)

What do your daily eats look like these days?

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Posted on Jan 30, 2013 in Food | 29 comments

Semi Homemade Dieting with Gretchen

One of the first things I came to realize when I started this blog (oh so many eons ago) is that when it comes to weight loss–and healthy living in general–everybody’s got an opinion. Everyone has a different method that worked for them, everyone has feelings about this or that or the other. Low fat! Low carb! Paleo! Atkins! South Beach! Weight Watchers! Jenny Craig! Home food delivery services! Gluten-free! No sugar! Cheat days! Meatless Mondays! 100% clean eating! Don’t eat white colored foods! Only drink clear liquids!

And, sure, that’s a lot of options (and really I’ve just skimmed the surface), but it’s kind of a great thing, right? I mean, it’s wonderful that there are so many different methods and programs and diets and lifestyles that people who are looking to lose weight, get fitter, feel better, whatever, have to choose from. The thing is, once you become open about your own health/weight loss goals (like by, um, writing a blog about it, I guess?) all those opinions… start heading your way. And that’s when it starts to get a little overwhelming.

For a long time, I’ve been pretty firm in the mindset that I don’t *NEED* a program in order to lose weight. I considered myself the queen (princess?) of fad diets for so long, once I started this blog I swore (in the dramatic, stamp my foot on the ground, fist in the air kind of way) never to rely on another person or program or instructional pamphlet again. I mean, sure, calorie counting in and of itself is a kind of method, I suppose, but it’s not dictated by anyone other than myself and, like, science. And I don’t need to pay anybody to do it. But, that said, we all know that for the past year+ my weight has just been going in circles without any real PROGRESS. And not trying something on principle or out of stubbornness is pretty bratty (though, let’s be honest, so am I). But! I really am trying to become more open minded about the whole thing. A few of you guys have encouraged me to give Weight Watchers a try, others continue to show what the golden rules of Paleo can lead to. And I really am looking into things and trying to figure out what might work best for me, because I don’t want to be stuck anymore. But in the meantime, until that point, I know I just have to try–and I mean really TRY, not the complacent half-assery that I’ve been doing for the past Lord-knows-how-long–to stick with what I know works. What worked for me in the past, and what should work for me again if I actually stuck with it for more than like, a day. (And I’m three days strong so far, so HA!)

See, pretty much every single thing in my life boils down to the fact that I am incredibly lazy. So when we talk about cooking at home, sure, I get my moments where I want to play Top Chef in the kitchen and craft transcendentally delicious meals with plating so beautiful it would bring a tear to Tom Colicchio’s eye. But most of the time I’d rather zap up a bowl of Chef Boyardee in the microwave and call it dinner. Mmm-mmm-good? You betcha. Healthy? Not so much. And sure, I bet there are a lot of you out there that are like, well, you just have to MAKE yourself be good. You just have to FORCE yourself to cook at home 6/7 nights a week and to buy only “good” things at the grocery store and be healthy… and eventually you’ll train yourself to WANT those things. But, and here’s where that innate brattiness comes back in, I don’t like to be forced to do anything. In fact, I my innate response to trying to make myself do something is to say, “Screw you, self! I do what I want!” and then order a pizza.

So, instead, I find the happy balance. I embrace the fact that I’m never going to be the kind of person who hand-prepares 100% of her meals, and when I do, they’re not always going to be infallibly mean, clean, and green. But most of the time, they’ll probably be pretty close. So isn’t that good enough? I mean, hey, if Sandra Lee can make an entire Food Network show out of mixing homemade with store-bought, why can’t my diet be like that too?

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Let’s take what I ate yesterday, for example. For breakfast, I had two strips of local bacon, a slice of whole wheat bread with Dark Chocolate Dreams peanut butter, and a bosc pear. For lunch, I had fresh strawberries and some chili that I bought from the farmer’s market. For my snacks, I had a laughing cow cheese wedge and an entire container of hummus with baby carrots (granted, I should NOT have had the entire container, but let’s not really focus on that) Then, for dinner, I cooked up a thai chicken sausage (that I also got at the farmer’s market), 1/2 a cup of coconut rice, and a salad with red onion, pineapple, and poppyseed dressing.

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And yes, I’m a terrible blogger and only managed to take pictures of my dinner. HOWEVER! If we look at everything I ate yesterday, I think I struck a pretty good balance between whole, clean foods (pears, strawberries, carrots, hummus, salad, and arguably, bacon) and convenience foods (bread, laughing cow, salad dressing, and arguably, white rice). The chili and chicken sausage I’m torn on because I did buy them pre-made (essentially) but they were made from all whole foods with no preservatives or unpronounceable things on the label. So you guys can decide, haha. Regardless, I came in with my net calories for the day being around 1562, and was pretty happy about the amount of food I got to eat.

So! What I’m trying to say with this overly wordy post is that, until I decide to really commit to a different way of managing my diet–and I honestly am looking into various options–I think I’m okay with sticking with what I know. A happy mash-up of convenience and clean–a semi-homemade diet. Still with room for eating out upon occasion because, as you all know, I fracking love to eat out.

What diet/program/lifestyle/food philosophy (ha!) do you subscribe to? And I’m interested in hearing whether you consider it to be for life, or if it’s for weight-loss specific purposes.

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Posted on Nov 1, 2012 in Weigh Ins, Weight Loss | 20 comments

Try, Try Again (Weigh-in)

So, evidently, despite the fact that my diet for the past week has been approximately 83% chocolate-coated, I had a pretty good weigh-in this morning! With all the Hurricane Sandy stuff (we were very lucky and were basically unscathed — didn’t even lose power! — but my work was closed for two days. I hope you’re doing okay if you were affected by the storm!), I kind of forgot that yesterday was Wednesday. Thus, I forgot to weigh in. Forgetting the day also means I will have an overflowing trashcan very shortly (Wednesdays are our trash pickup days, oops).

Anyway, let’s get straight to it, shall we?

Starting Weight: 246 lbs
Last Weigh-in: 199.1 lbs
This Weigh-in: 198.0 lbs
Difference: -1.1 lbs

Woot, another loss and another pound down! To be honest, the slow-going nature of my weight loss this time around is definitely not always sunshine and rainbows. Don’t get me wrong, it’s certainly more encouraging than the constant up-down-up-down yo-yoing I was doing before my summer weight (re)gain, but now that I’m actually only weighing in every two weeks, we’re really only looking at an average of like, half a pound per week. Which is progress, for sure, but it is SLOW progress. And sometimes, slow progress can be less motivating than no progress at all.

Feel like that’s backwards logic? Well, it is. But lemme ‘splain. See, on those weeks when I stagnate, or when I gain a little back, it’s extra motivating for me to try even harder for my next weigh-in. I tell myself that next time will be better, I’ll get it “right” next time. And then, usually, barring multiple birthday celebrations, or a really bad week at work, or any of the other 19823750382 excuses that I have ready and waiting at all times, I do. And then I’ll experience some miraculous 4-pound loss or something, feel triumphant, and have the juice to keep going! But when my weight loss comes off in these achingly slow, incremental bits, it’s more like “Yayyyy, another loss… well, guess I’ll just keep on truckin’…” which isn’t a bad mentality, it’s just not a particularly exciting one. Especially given how I’m used to reacting to my weigh-ins, which is usually with a lot of fanfare and drama. You know, not knowing what to expect, cursing the world, or jumping for joy, all that stuff. Not just like, “Oh, cool.”

I guess one of the things I’m having a hard time swallowing this time around is the idea that what has worked for me in the past might not work in the same way anymore. Repeating the exact actions I took to lose 60 pounds during my first go isn’t going to magically make me lose another 60 pounds. My body has adapted to my new lifestyle, and things change. I’m still losing, but it’s not this woot-or-boo cycle that it was in the past: 4 pounds down, 3 pounds up, woot, boo, cheer, cry. Nope. I’m still incorporating a lot of the same concepts as before, but because I never completely reverted back to my old, former lifestyle (tons of binge eating, junk food, eating my feelings, and endless TV marathons… er, actually, I never stopped doing that last one. Whoops.) it’s not really the same.

I’ve always been pretty honest in providing my opinion that 90% of weight loss comes from what you eat. Even now, as I’m struggling to lose the weight I’ve regained over the summer, it’s really difficult because I’m not able to make the same kind of big changes to my diet that I could the first time. Calorie counting REALLY worked for me in the beginning. I used the Calorie Count app, and set a general limit of anywhere from 1,200 – 1,800 calories/day. I would usually try to aim for around 1,500, but wouldn’t beat myself up if I went over, and wouldn’t try to “make it up” if I came in under. I didn’t even start thinking about fitness/gym stuff until after I had already lost a significant amount of weight — at least 20, 25 pounds? — which is when I started training for my first 5K.

The main things I did was cleaned up my eating (eliminated junk food, did away with processed frozen meals like Lean Cuisines and stuff cause they weren’t satisfying enough and full of sodium), started packing a lunch and snacks for myself every day for work (this is the big thing I’m trying to get back into now), and started eating breakfast (which I had to FORCE myself to do, because I was so used to not eating at all until like 11 or 12 each day). And aside from lapsing quite a bit in the bring-my-lunch department, I still do those things. I did regain some weight because my portion control slipped, but it’s not like I went back to stuffing my face with Baconators every day. So, having decided to continue with my weight loss efforts, it’s still a little harder. Because I didn’t have as many changes to make this time around. I didn’t need to do a complete overhaul of my diet again, because my diet was already reformed.

I guess what I’m just trying to get at here is, for anyone who is trying to lose weight, remember this: different things are going to work for different people differently, and the things that work for you at first might not work forever. But don’t lose heart! Progress is as progress does, even if it’s slow. And I’m still on track, still losing, and feeling pretty damn good about keeping it off this time.

Have you found that certain weight loss habits you’ve employed in the past have lost their effectiveness as time has worn on? Or maybe you’re like me, and you have restarted your weight loss only to find that your progress isn’t quite the same?

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Posted on Aug 30, 2012 in Weigh Ins, Weight Loss | 26 comments

The Game Plan: Act II, Part II (Weigh-in)

So you may have noticed that despite my entirely too verbose explanation of my weight gain, and my resolution to get back on the wagon weight-loss-wise, there hasn’t been a whole lot of talk about it on here since. Well, I am very happy to be able to say that it is NOT because I am (yet again) failing to live up to my word. I am still dead-set on getting my body (and my life!) back on track, and am very much working on it. Snaps for Gretchen!

It’s just that I don’t want to simply keep going through the same motions as I have been. It’s boring. And continually blogging about the exact same things is boring too. So I’m taking this opportunity (Act II, as it were) to not JUST post my weigh-ins and what I’m eating and what I’m doing, but also to really try and look at the reasons that I gained weight back in the first place. That’s not to say that I won’t also be doing quite a bit of the former, since that’s like, you know, what I do, but you get what I’m trying to say. And in that vein, since I kind of forgot that yesterday was Wednesday, let’s go ahead and pretend that it still is (except… not really… because, well, duh.)

Starting Weight: 246 lbs
Last Weigh-in: 206.1 lbs
This Weigh-in: 203.8 lbs
Difference: -2.4 lbs

Hey, it’s a start! 2 pounds in 2 weeks. Sounds like a slow-and-steady start to me. And that’s with traveling to HLS and everything. I’ll take it!

So! The last time I talked about my weight loss game plan, it was identifying that I needed to get back into a breakfast habit. And not just slammin’ down a bowl of Peanut Butter Puffins (delicious though they may be), but a real, GOOD breakfast. In fact, I already touched on how my breakfasts were super carb-heavy and did not include the satiating and long-lasting proteins and fats that I really need to keep my hunger at bay. Well, Part II of the game plan is in a similar vein: reevaluating my carb intake.

First off, let me go ahead and remind you all that I am most definitively NOT of a low-carb/no-carb philosophy. Heeeeells no! Carbs make you happy, and happy people just don’t shoot their husbands are healthy(er) people. Plus, no matter what Dr. Atkins may have said, carbs are not bad for you. Refined, super processed, simple carbs certainly aren’t good for you in mass quantity, but unrefined, whole grains really are good stuff! That said, the saying “too much of a good thing” is particularly apt when it comes to carbs. After all…

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… they’re kind of my favorite. Heh.

And I eat a lot of them. But the fact of the matter is, I’m just not active enough to burn up all the carbohydrates that I consume. A diet that was carb-heavy was fine when I was training for races and whatnot, but when my activity level lapses and I’m still eating the same amount of carbohydrates (even though my calories are still within a weight-loss range), where is all that glucose and whatnot going to go? Straight into my already more-than-ample fat stores.

So! My girl Cassie recently has been posting about trying to limit her post-lunchtime carbs (she read Bob Harper’s “The Skinny Rules” and one of his tenets is “No carbs after lunch.”). Now, while I’m not sure I really plan on adhering to such a strict rule (since hard-n-fast rules don’t really work for me anyway), it has been food for thought (pun totally intended). I want to be able to say I’m fueling my body properly, which means maintaining a good BALANCE and RATIO of carbs, fat, AND protein.

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I prefer my carbs in the form of pie, please.

I will never live a life that doesn’t include french fries, but I also know that french fries + bread + rice + cereal + pasta does not exactly equal the balanced diet I’m striving for. Plus, this initiative will hopefully drive me back to being a little more creative in the kitchen, to help me figure out ways to build meals that don’t base themselves around those aforementioned carb types. In fact, just yesterday, Cassie posted a pasta-less lasagna recipe that looks kind of ridiculously amazing.

So, there you have it! 2 pounds down, and quite a lot more to go. But hopefully by the time they’re gone I’ll have figured out how to really make it stick.

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