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Posted on May 15, 2014 in Dear Diary, Weight Loss | 0 comments

The Missing Ingredient

So, as evidenced by the increasing infrequency of my posting, I guess you can probably imagine that work has gotten muy loco once again, and this poor, neglected blog is suffering the consequences. Well, there is good news and bad news that comes out of this fact, the bad news being that, of course, my posting has gone out the window… as have my *ahem* weigh-ins. (Oops.)

BUT. The good news is that the thing that I’m working on is a flippin’ huge, rocktastic, amaaaaahzing party that Y-O-U are invited to attend!

Yelp Gets Lucky

Yelp Gets Lucky is taking place on Friday, June 13th from 8 – 10 PM (or 7 PM if you’re part of the Yelp Elite Squad) and it’s going to be a seriously good time. We’re talking tons of noms, draaaaanks, and entertainment, all courtesy of amazing local businesses!

Best of all? It’s 100% TOTALLY COMPLETELY FREE to attend! All you gotta do is RSVP on Yelp. That’s it. For serious. So local readers, you have no excuse not to come out and play, okay?!

Aaaaanyway, now that that shameless plug is out of the way, let’s get back to me making pitiful excuses for why I haven’t been blogging. I mean, wait. What?

Okay, so here’s the real deal. (Buckle in, this is gonna be a long ride, folks.) I’ve been thinking a lot lately about this blog and where I’m going with it. You know, thinking about where I was in my life when I wrote that first post three and half years ago, and where I am now. Thinking about the goals I’ve achieved, the ones that I’ve failed at, the ones that I first achieved and THEN failed at maintaining afterwards… and how with the onset of this dream job and so many things in my life falling into place, maintaining this blog has lately felt more like a burden than a joy.

I know, I know, that sounds bad, and maybe it actually reads harsher than I really mean it to, but, hmm. How do I say it… I guess I’ve been kind of tiptoeing around the fact that I’m just not as passionate about blogging as I used to be. And I’ve been blaming it on being busy or being distracted or whatever, but I think we all know that it’s not really about not having the time to do it.

I mean, here’s the story of this blog in a nutshell: I was fat and unhappy, so I lost a buncha weight. And it was awesome! Aaaand then I gained a whole bunch of weight back. And that was not so awesome (especially to admit… publicly… on the interwebs) but, unlike before, I was fat and happy. Not happy about being fat, but you know what I mean. But, hey, I write a weight loss blog. So I knew that eventually I needed to own up to regaining the weight, and that I also needed to re-lose it. I had it in my mind that if I did it once, I could do it again just as long as I did all the same things I did the first time around. So that’s what I set out to do.

And sure, it worked for a while, because just paying attention to myself and what I was eating again was enough to help me shed those first 10, 15 pounds again. But then… I dunno. My drive just kinda — poof! — disappeared. And I couldn’t really figure out why. After all, I was doing all the same things I did the first time. Counting my calories, exercising (well, kinda…), cleaning my diet back up. And it was working! I was losing weight again. And yet… something was still missing.

I just haven’t been able to muster up the same enthusiasm towards my weight loss that I had the first time around. Maybe it’s because I’ve taken so many steps backwards that the fact that I’m finally moving forward again isn’t really a big deal. Because I’m still so far from where I once was. So, you know, celebrating a loss that I had already lost but subsequently regained doesn’t really seem like an appropriate thing to celebrate anymore. There’s too much guilt and shame involved now.

Beyond that, though, I think part of the reason why doing all the same things and following the same path doesn’t feel quite right anymore is because while all those things might be the same, I’m not. I’m pretty damn different now than I was three and a half years ago (um, thank GOODNESS, right?). Pretty much everything in my life has changed since then — my job (VIVA LA YELP!), my relationship (I think I’ll keep him), even my family (hello, Auntie Gretchen!). In fact, the only thing that hasn’t really changed is this pervasive obsession I continue to have with losing weight and, while we’re being honest I’ll just say it, being thin.

Let’s just face facts: While I talked a LOT about how, really, this blog is about getting healthy, and, really, it’s about working through my food issues, and, really, it’s about loving myself, you wanna know what it’s REALLY been about? Losing weight. I mean, it’s right there in the title. And I feel like in having that focus right from the start, I was always in the mindset that there was something about me that needed to change. That needed to be fixed. And that one basic thought right there, despite all my best efforts and a lot of denial, led the way for a lifetime of doubt and self-loathing to settle in under every victorious blog post, every one of my successes.

I mean, heck, even when I did lose 60 pounds and felt happy and whole and looked rockin’ in tapered denim, I still wasn’t satisfied. I wanted to continue to “fix” myself, to lose more, to be skinnier… and I’m pretty sure that lack of contentment is probably a key factor in why I started to regain weight in the first place.

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So yes, I obviously would love to get back to that place, that weight, how I felt at that time. But I don’t want to get there by spouting positivity on this blog but secretly wishing I could chop off the rolls on my stomach in private. The truth of the matter is that I’ve spent far too much of my life punishing myself for my body, being mad at myself for lacking the self-control to be thin, hatefully comparing myself to other women.

Now, let’s just hit the “pause” button for a hot sec, because I want to clarify that this post is in no way a declaration that I’m going to stop blogging. I’m obviously waaaaay too egomaniacal to ever do that. Please. But I am starting to reevaluate what it is that I’m looking to get out of this and put into this blog. Because I don’t think my real goal is just to lose weight any more. Or, at least, I don’t think I want it to be.

Maybe I’m finally getting to a place where I truly do want to work towards being able to fully accept and love my body as-is. No improvements needed. And I promise, I’m not trying to use this as an excuse to be lazy and eat whatever I want and be unhealthy. This is all about trying to implement a shift in my perspective, and I think it’s time for me to take a break from this total fixation I have on my weight, my size, and my body in general. Or at least, to TRY to take a break from it.

And you know, while I’m working on the full mental overhaul that I’m sure will be required to get me to see things just a little differently (I tell ya, the media industry really has done a number on me), I’ll continue to eat healthily (for the most part, as I do now) and go to the gym (for the occasional part, at least) and we’ll see where that gets me for the next little while.

Aaaaand since this post has LONG since passed the “eyes glazing over” stage right into TL;DR territory, I’ll go ahead and stop myself here. Let’s see how this attempt at a shiny new perspective goes, shall we?

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Posted on Apr 4, 2014 in Weigh Ins, Weight Loss | 0 comments

Quick Update (Weigh-in)

Not a ton of time today (as has been the case every day this week), but I wanted to make sure I didn’t forget to pop my results up on the blog today. So here we go, quick like a bunny:

(Re)Starting Weight: 236.6 lbs
Last Weigh-in: 223.7
This Weigh-in: 222.2 lbs
Difference: -1.5 lbs

And the train just keeps on rolling! Huzzah! Let’s just hope that this isn’t some kind of weird streak of stress-related weight loss due to my crazy schedule right now, hahaha.

See you guys on the flip!

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Posted on Mar 28, 2014 in Weigh Ins, Weight Loss | 0 comments

Making Progress, Seeing Results (Weigh-in)

All right y’all, I’m cutting straight to the chase today. Allow me to PROUDLY present the following:

(Re)Starting Weight: 236.6 lbs
Last Weigh-in: 228.7
This Weigh-in: 223.7 lbs
Difference: -5.0 lbs!

Ta-daaaaaaa!! Guess all of that stress not-eating over Passport to Mosaic is finally working in my favor! Ahahaha. No, I kid, I kid, I have really been working on changing my eating habits this week, and am working hard at getting back into the swing of things. I guess this is proof that it’s working! (Of course, the lack of french fries in my current Lenten diet may also have something to do with it…)

I’ve officially re-lost the weight gained from my weeks in San Francisco and Macon, and then some! I am a very happy camper, and it’s true what they say, seeing results is honestly the best motivator in keeping my spirits up and goals in mind. FIVE pounds, bitches!

I’m hoping that at this point, my weight loss is starting to manifest itself with physical results too. I’ve mentioned before that because of my body shape — being tall and big-footed and large-framed and whatnot — weight loss can be very difficult to discern in tangible ways until I’ve lost a really significant amount. It often feels like five, even ten pounds here or there hardly makes a difference in how I look, which can be discouraging.

Luckily, I’ve got this totally awesome five pound loss to keep pushing me forward! And whether it’s from the power of suggestion or it’s my body finally catching up to the poundage I’ve tossed thus far, I do think my pants were a little looser this morning. ;)

And in other news…

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Say hello to my new hair color!

I feel like a beautiful mermaid, all thanks to my main man Linh at Be Scene Hair Studio. It seriously takes on a different shade in every light, and I loveloveLOVE it!

Man, every time I dye my hair, I love it so much that I swear I’m never going to another color. “I’ve gone purple and I’m never going back!” “Viva la pink forever!” And then I inevitably change it because it fades and I’m fickle like that and I fall EVEN more in love with the next one! I’m gonna have to have a poll once I’ve finished going through the rainbow so you guys can help me pick the one that looks best, hahaha.

Anyway, that’s all for today, folks! Have a great weekend, and think positive, happy thoughts for me as Passport kicks off on Sunday! I’ll see you when it’s over — provided I’m still alive, ‘course.

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Posted on Mar 24, 2014 in Dear Diary, Working Out, Yelp | 0 comments

Ommmmm (Nom Nom)

To all those who think that my job pretty much just means I eat all the time (and, to be fair, I do eat a LOT for this job), I want to set the record straight. Not errrrvery single event that I throw as the Yelp Northern Virginia Community Manager is totally food-centric. I mean, sure, a lot are (and I love ‘em!) but yesterday I actually got to do my job AND get some fitness in at the same time, thanks to the yoga-tastic event that went down!

Yelp’s Mind + Body Bender took place at Mind Your Body Oasis in Crystal City, a wellness center and yoga studio that gave Yelp Elites the chance to try out many different kinds of massage therapies (Thai! Mysokeletal! Full-body! Chair! Reiki!) as well as participating in yoga and bellydancing classes!



It was a full event with lots to see and do, and I even got a chance to be thrown around by MYBO’s Thai massage specialist for a few minutes. I’ll, a-hem, go ahead and let those photos speak for themselves…





LOLOLOLOLOLOL.

Being of the no pain, no gain persuasion when it comes to massage, I actually loved it, and it was over far too quickly for me! I guess I’ll just have to go back and get pretzel-fied again. :)

In other news, you should be happy to hear that I totally cheated on my weigh-in once a week rule and checked myself out on the scale yesterday. I can happily report that I am blessedly — amazingly! — back to my pre-San Francisco weigh-in weight. So those 2.5 gained libbies are officially gone! I’ll wait until Friday to officially report in, but I just wanted you all to know that I am most definitely working it!

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Posted on Mar 21, 2014 in Weigh Ins, Weight Loss | 0 comments

Back to the Grind (Weigh-in)

Well, I know it’s been a minute since I actually last posted about something related to weight loss. Which is no big deal really, except that it’s, oh, you know, just the whole main subject of this very blog. And I’ve really only recently gotten back on the bandwagon, as it were, so it’s pretty bad of me to fall behind already.

That being said, you all already know the reasons why I have fallen behind, so I’m hoping you’re willing to cut me a wee little bit o’ slack. Trips galore, planning gigantic promotions for local businesses, and a mind-boggling sickness (stupid #CMWeekPlague!) that lingers on EVEN TODAY… but whatevs. I’m here now, and that’s all that really matters, ain’t it?

So let’s not dilly dally here. I’m sure it comes as no surprise to you all that I wasn’t exactly on my best, most rigorous weight loss behavior on my various jetsets across the country, so I was pretty much bracing myself for the worst when it came to the scale this morning. Shall we take a look?

(Re)Starting Weight: 236.6 lbs
Last Weigh-in: 226.2
This Weigh-in: 228.7 lbs
Difference: +2.5 lbs

So, I gained a couple of libbies back, surprising nobody. But really, i’s not the WORST thing that could’ve happened. I mean, it’s not great, but if we’re all being honest here, I think we know it could have been waaaaaaay bad. I mean, eating out for literally every single meal while I was in SF with a group of other gorgeous people who are experts on goooood fooood, drinking at night (and I don’t really drink much, so I’m sure that had a big impact) all the cakes and candy and ridonkulous sugar highs that came with planning and executing a one year old’s birthday party… Plus, we all know that I can gain 5 pounds by pretty much just looking at a stack of nachos, so all things considered, I’m actually not that discouraged.

Well, actually, now that I’m really thinking about it, I probably DID gain more than 2.5 pounds back, but since I’ve been back home for almost a week now, maybe I’ve already normalized a bit. Which does make it ever so slightly more depressing, but… meh. What’s done is done, eh?

After all, I’m nothing if not resilient. So I’ll just keep on keeping on (it’s kind of my thing). I’ve got some new inspiration for some awesome recipes, I’m focusing on consuming more protein and healthy fat, and fewer carbs (I’ve given up potatoes for Lent which should help eliminate about 60% of my current carb addiction problem… man, I love potatoes), and in general, I’m feeling pretty good about how things are going. Or, rather, how they will be going, from hereon out.

PLUS, I just got my braces adjusted, which means that I’m pretty much limited to a diet of applesauce, pudding, and mashed avocado for the next few days. I mean, sure, it’s kind of an involuntary diet, but hey, if it works…!

Thanks, as always, for sticking around with me on this crazy ride. And, you know, not judging me toooo harshly on weeks like this. And hey, since I kickstarted this weightloss thing back in January, this is my first weigh-in reporting a gain, so that’s one way to justify look at it, right? #silverlining

PS: There’s still time to enter the AllWhites givewaway for a $100 gift card! Check it out if you haven’t already and get paiiiiiiid, yo!

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