So. *deep breath* here we go.
Like a lot of stories you might read or hear about those of us who have carried around, er, more than our fair share of junk in our trunks, I can’t really remember a time when I wasn’t overweight. Or at least, when I didn’t think I was overweight. I have always been trying to diet, trying to lose weight, trying to get smaller. Thinner. Beautiful. After all, thin IS beauty, right? Struggling with the self-image issues that most teenage girls go through, I turned to emotional eating as a way to make myself feel better. Talk about your backwards thinking, huh? It took starting this blog for me to fully realize that there’s a better way, that being healthy is far more beautiful than being skinny at any cost.
I stepped on the scale on August 9th, 2010 and read the biggest number I had ever seen to date: 246 pounds. In tears, I asked my brother to help me set up Honey, I Shrunk the Gretchen! as a way to document my journey, and provide accountability for my lifestyle change. I resolved to tell as many people about it so that I couldn’t slink out of my commitment this time. I was going to take the over-the-top personality that I had developed as a result of my insecurities and put my (hopeful) successes and (probable) failures out there in writing for the whole wide world web to see.
Creeping up on 250 lbs, 2009 was a particularly bad year.
After countless fad diets, endless quick-fix attempts, and running through a myriad of eating disorders as well as depression, I finally decided I needed to change, not just physically but mentally. My whole outlook when it came to my body, my health, and my life needed an overhaul. While I can’t lie and say that it wasn’t still at least a little bit about being thin and beautiful, deep down I knew that this was about something, a-hem, “bigger” than that. (Bazinga!)
When I began this blog, I had a specific number in mind for my weight loss goals. I plucked the arbitrary weight of 165 pounds out of the air, and made that my goal. After a little time and a lot of learning, however, I realized that the number isn’t as important as my overall health and happiness. I roughly know what the healthy weight range for my height should be (I’m 5’9″), and so I still strive to lose around 80 pounds from my starting weight in order to meet that, and from there I plan on finding my true “happy weight”. But wherever I end up poundage-wise, at least I know I’ll have gotten there the right way.
I have defined my entire life by constantly trying to change myself for all the wrong reasons. Granted, at 24 years old, that life is still in its arguably early stages, but still! No time like the present, amiright? In the Fall of 2011, I had lost 60 pounds thanks to the support of my family, friends, and, of course, YOU! Over the holidays that followed I unfortunately put quite a few of them back on, but I’m back to that place again and am finally ready to finish out this thing.
Thank you for sharing in this journey. Whether you’re here to help inspire me (believe me, I need it!), or if you’re looking to be inspired yourself, I hope you find something here worth staying for. I know it’s likely that my weight and my relationship with food will be a struggle for the rest of my life. But I also know that this time, thanks in large part to your support, I can finally cross that finish line.
Thanks for coming along for the ride! I hope I don’t disappoint.