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Posted on Sep 16, 2011 in Dear Diary | 40 comments

My name is Gretchen, and I Used to be Fat.

Since starting my new job roughly 6 weeks ago (JEEBUS, has it really been that long already?), I’ve found myself in an interesting “predicament” (I use that term very loosely here.)

See, to my new coworkers, I look like this:

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Or sometimes this:

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There may or may not have been a robot dancing through the cubes the other day…

But either way, I am (usually) dressed appropriately for work, haha. Actually, I suppose that technically I now look like this:

And while I may not be “skinny” by anyone’s definition, I’m, you know, normal. Most decidedly NOT obese. Soft, cuddly, with a little bit of extra fluff, but nothing to gawk at and certainly nothing to pity (at least not for my weight, hahaha.) So when I started working here, my coworkers had absolutely no idea that I used to look like this:

Or this:


Please excuse the nerd factor of forcing my brother to take a portrait of me with my dogs.

And while some of them have since been turned onto this little ol’ blog (hi guys!) and have probably figured it out by now, most of the people I meet have no idea that I’m a former fatty. And yes, just typing out those words brings a whole mess of self-esteem-bashing thoughts to mind (“Well, I really shouldn’t be saying I’m NOT fat, since I still need to lose more weight…”) but I’m going to try to drown those out with more incessant babbling… starting now.

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See, for over, hmm, at least 13 of my 23 years (I’m ancient, I know), I have struggled with my weight. I wasn’t a chubby child, but I was a pudgy pre-teen, a thickset teenager, and an ample adult, topping off at (to my knowledge) 246 pounds. And while I am aware that my figure will always stray to the zaftig side, there is absolutely no question that I was unhealthy AND unhappy at that weight. No bueno.

But I’ve come a long way in the past year! I’ve lost almost 60 pounds so far, revamped my look (many times over, haha) and my life, and couldn’t be happier for it. I’m obviously still Gretchen, still the same person that I’ve always been, but in some ways I’m not. I’ve changed, I’ve grown, and I’ve evolved. So why is it that I constantly feel the need to tell people about the fact that I, you know, used to be fat?

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It feels like, whether intentional or not, one of the first conversations I have with a new person somehow involves my weight loss. Why do I feel the need to let them make them know this? Let’s be honest, it’s a pretty awkward thing to bring up to someone you don’t really know. Do I really need the validation that much? For them to know this one big accomplishment of my life so far? People don’t go walking around and starting off conversations with “Hi, my name is Dr. Blah Blah and I won the Nobel Prize.” or “Hey there, I’m Yada Yada and I make $350,000 a year.” (I mean, okay, perhaps speed-dating participants might do that, but let’s just say they’re the exception, haha.)

Maybe it’s that I’m just not ready to let go of the person I used to be. I keep reminding you with pictures and stories and reiterations of the same facts, because I want to remind myself. I used to think that once I lost weight, I would never want to look back on myself as an obese person. I would want to forget the past and start anew — as a new person entirely. I guess that just isn’t the case. I don’t want to forget because hindsight is 20/20 and I don’t want to lose the part of me that literally transformed. I don’t want to forget because I don’t want to get back to that place, ever.

I know that this is kind of heavy for a Friday, but it’s just another one of those self-reflection things that seems to hit from time to time. It’s just confusing. Am I supposed to let go of the past so I don’t get down on myself for letting me get that way? So I can move forward? Or am I supposed to keep it constant and present in my life so I don’t ever forget? I know these are not mutually-exclusive things, but it’s just something to think about before announcing my weight to the next stranger I meet, haha.

Do you ever find yourself in a similar predicament? Torn between wanting to forget yourself as the fat/unhealthy/depressed/whatever person, but also wanting to hold onto it?

40 Comments

  1. Oh my gosh, yes. I think this post makes a lot of sense, Gretchen. When I was in my early 20s (around 10 years ago), I had an eating disorder. I recovered, but I spent a lot of that time and the first few years after recovery wanting to make sure people around me knew about it. Like you, I’m not really sure why. But you’re not alone!

    For me, at least, I stopped seeing myself as “a recovered anorexic” after a few years and just started seeing myself as … me. I will say that it did take some conscious effort after a while to STOP seeing myself through that old lens. So give it some time – it’ll happen. You’ll just be you. πŸ™‚

  2. That’s an interesting question. I’ve only lost 20 pounds so far and have many more to go, but I do sometimes have the sense that everyone should know about my accomplishment. On the other hand, there is a part of me that does want to forget what I looked and felt like 20 pounds heavier. I wonder what it will feel like when I’m much closer to my goal weight. I was a weight watcher meeting years ago where someone had lost over 60 pounds and achieved lifetime status. I was honestly struck by how anti-climatic it was. The person had lost 60 pounds and achieved their goal, and all that happened was she stood in the front, the leader announced, and everyone clapped. Really? I though the world was supposed to stop when you achieve goal!!! It’s definitely something I’ve been working on since age 13 and I’m now 27, so for the past 14 years. In some ways it seems that when I do get there, the whole world should stop and notice my great accomplishment.

  3. Yes! When I was 18 (I’m 31 now) I went to rehab for a really serious drug addiction. I got clean and for the next 10 years told people this all.the.time. It was not until I started at the job I have now and was actually prevented from starting on time because they were concerned that I had this issue 10 years ago that I realized this is not really something that a) everyone needs to know about me and b) that I need to worry so much about. I still know that I could go back and be that person, she is always somewhere inside me, but that is not me anymore.

    I can not WAIT to tell people that I used to be fat! I am going to wear a sign. It will say Hi! My name is Karen and I wore a size 22!

  4. In response to yesterday’s comment – I live in the SC – don’t ask why. Today’s post REALLY hits home – not only on the weight snafu, but I had cancer – I felt the need for the longest time to tell people that immediately upon introducing myself – Hi – I’m Erin – I had cancer. See – I’m doing it now πŸ˜‰ but I think by telling people how you used to be it’s a badge of courage to show people how strong you are – you lost 60 lbs, that’s a BIG DEAL! Heck – if I could even get 10 lbs off – I’d shout it from the rooftops! Be proud of who you are, it’s taken me 7 years – and now I only tell people my business on the second or third encounter!

    • Erin – I had acute myocarditis and was in the ICU a few years back and found that I wanted to tell everyone… I think cancer must be even bigger than my relatively quickly cured ailment. It’s taken a long time for me not to tell everyone I meet what a terrifying experience it was, that I almost died and went through a Christmas thinking I might need a heart transplant. I think the toughness shows through though in other ways, though, and then maybe down the line people might put two and two together, but the toughness is what sticks with us. I agree, losing a significant amount of weight or making it through cancer or other ailment is a badge of honor and makes us who we are… I found the most important thing was to not let it limit what I can do in the future! I thought I would never run again, but now after having my baby I’m back at it. It feels great to reclaim my health. I’ll definitely never take it for granted again! πŸ˜‰

      • Nicole – thanks for the comment. I clicked through and read your blog – try the zumba when you recover from the running incident! My post yesterday was all about it. That will definitely make you feel like you are back after baby. πŸ™‚ He is a cutie! Enjoy him!

    • Erin, LOVE your comment: “Hi -I’m Erin-I had cancer…but I think by telling people how you used to be it’s a badge of courage to show people how strong you are…” It helped me understand why I still tell people (four years after completing treatment) that I had cancer. Your comments will encourage Gretchen…I’ve known her all her life and she IS STRONG and an amazing inspiration!

    • Erin, I’m completely with you. Surviving cancer or seeing the other side of any transformation underscores the strength and power you have. You didn’t get to a point of survival by yourself but you had to kick some naysaying to the curb, and that’s hard. After losing my “girl parts” in my mid-40s, people would ask outright, “Do you feel less feminine? Are you disturbed because you can’t have children now?” Certainly they meant well but reacting with “I don’t miss the anemia, the fainting spells, the 3-4 week periods… yada, yada” and “I wasn’t worried about being pregnant at 44 so I’m really not worried at 45.” These are light-hearted ways of sharing the strength you have.

  5. Gretchen I think this totally makes sense — you losing weight has been a big part of your life, so I understand that you want to share that. I have a few family members who have lost large amounts of weight and they talk about it all the time — I know they are super proud of their progress and want to share it!

  6. Yep. It is almost like my dirty little secret. I don’t typically go around telling people I used to be fat (but could easily see myself doing that — I just haven’t been in that situation lately)…but I do remember. I am still marveling at the change in myself (inside and out) and wonder if the newness will ever wear off. I also sometimes wonder if I’ll slip back into old habits. And for THAT reason alone, I will probably always carry around the “memory” of what it felt like to be fat. That isn’t something I really want to forget.

  7. This is a big accomplishment and I think it is a-okay to share. I think it is a natural part of getting to know someone. You should be proud of what you have done and continue to do!!

    • Gretchen, I agree with Emily. You have accomplished an enormous goal that so many people struggle with their entire lives! Be proud of that accomplishment and tell the entire world if you must! You deserve it!
      Plus, letting people know what you have accomplished may inspire them to do the same for themselves. When I started a routine of going to my office gym, people at work noticed my new committment to physical activity and they started talking to me about it and asking me questions! I am by no means an expert at working out… but I enjoy talking to my co-workers about different exercises or new exercise classes because it gives us common ground. I love telling people how I used to never workout and how I have transformed into a gym person (something that I never thought I would be). It feels good to say it!
      I think that you look great! You are an inspiration to others, and you should be proud!

      • Alexa! Oh gosh, it’s been so long! Thank you SO much for your far-too-kind comment. πŸ™‚ I will say that the aspect where other people do seem genuinely interested in the “how” I’ve done it is very rewarding, and the part of exclaiming my weight loss to every stranger (hahahahaaa) that does seem to pay off.

        • Gretchen, maybe you wait to get to know the stranger a little bit first. πŸ™‚ You might think it doesn’t pay off, but you might be inspiring them to make a change in their health habits.

          Alexa, that’s awesome about your gym habits and your co-workers. I started hitting the gym at lunch time and now I have a group of co-workers that come with me. Fun!

  8. This is interesting, because I find myself in the same situation fairly regularly (since our stories are similar. similarly awesome.) and I actually have the OPPOSITE inclination. I avoid bringing up my weight loss at all costs, unless it comes up. I even don’t like mentioning it to doctors and health professionals. I think it has to do with two things, which are related. First, people’s reactions are usually akin to amazement, which generally makes me bashful because I don’t like feeling like I’m bragging about myself (I HATE job interviews).

    But it goes to something larger, which is that I don’t feel like deserves credit, because I feel like I shouldn’t have let myself get to 233 lbs to begin with. So, I feel bad taking credit for it. Like the work of losing weight was my punishment for letting myself get so out of control to begin with. Maybe (probably) that’s wrong, and my self-esteem is clearly still a work in progress… but there you have it.

    • I’m pretty sure that even if I got down to 140 lbs and was a size 6 my self-esteem would still be taking some big hits from myself on a regular basis, but that may be a bigger issue, hahaha. I can completely understand where you come from with the shame associated with letting myself get to that weight in the first place… but apparently I’m *just* vain enough that it doesn’t matter, hahahahahaha.

      <3

  9. I tend to cringe when people say, “I’m a whole new person!” or something similar after they’ve lost weight. In fact, I’d say one of the main reasons I waited so long to lose weight was because I was terrified I’d become a different person. Other than the size 24 jeans, I loved who I was. I was outgoing, funny, silly, smart, accomplished and I wanted to keep that. I didn’t want to be a “whole new person”. I want to be a more healthy version of me.

    As far as chatting with near strangers about your weight loss, I do think one of the things that people don’t talk about is that the obesity becomes a vital part of your identity when you’ve been overweight for the majority of your lie. Positive or negative, you (and chances are, those around you) define you at least in part, by your size. It’s hard to let that go. Sure maybe being the “fat one” in the room wasn’t a positive way to stand out, but at least I stood out! Now, it can be really hard to wrap my head around the fact that I blend in. So until I figure out other ways to stand out (or accept that it’s okay to blend in), I also feel the need to incessantly and annoyingly chat up complete random people about my weight loss. πŸ˜›

    Long comment short: Yup. I get it.

    • I also sometimes think that it was a comfort and safety thing. I mean, when you’re, y’know, “big”, people both notice you and ignore you, you stand out and simultaneously blend in because people don’t want to be the ones caught staring. So I never had to worry about the awkwardness or discomfort of being in situations of unwarranted hitting-on, or leering, or objectifying, and that felt safe too. I mean, not that I have to deal with that really anyway, so it may have just been another way I was trying to justify my poor health and lifestyle. Just another very interesting aspect of it all…

      <3

  10. GIRL!! I felt the SAME exact way when I lost 135 pounds. NOW I am in the place where I have to tell my weight-loss, life-changing story in an amended version. STRANGERS know that I lost 135 pounds three years ago and regained 100.6 of those pounds back. UGH that is depressing to type. But I feel like I come with a disclaimer to those who have not known me forever. It’s a very confusing place to be, feeling like you have multiple identities and personas. When it comes down to it. I’m still ME. Regardless of the ways I’ve changed, I am still the same person, just with better (or worse) habbits, a modified approach to life, eating, working out etc. This is the part that I don’t think women in our situation talk about enough and that women that have NEVER been in our situaiton understand. I got you on this one πŸ™‚ PLUS when it comes down to it, why SHOULDN’T we tell strangers how much we have changed our lives? It’s a major accomplishment. If I were rich, I’d buy a bilboard or have it painted on the side of a building downtown on a gorgeous mural.

    You are Gretchen. You have lost over 60 pounds and really changed your life. You are a rockstar. Everyone should know. xo

  11. Ok, similar thing here, lost 70+ lbs (still 30+ to go) want everyone to know. What I really like are the responses everyone has given. I, probably because of low self-esteem, thought people should know because a) I’m still working on it and b) I look better than I used to. But for me it’s not a show off moment but a “hey, I know I need to still lose weight but look how far I’ve come” moment. Like I need an excuse for still needing to lose 30+ lbs.? What an a-ha moment … Wow. Thank you!!!

    • Oh gosh, I can completely relate to that side of things too. I guess I forgot to mention in the above post how often my not-that-casual-slip of “I lost 60 pounds” is followed by “I mean, I know I still have a little ways to go but….” just because I want to make sure THEY KNOW that I KNOW that I shouldn’t be stopping yet. Stupid low self-esteem! So much for thinking I’d grow out of that, eh? πŸ™‚

  12. And this is why I read your blog. So much of what you say resonates so much with me! It’s been almost 3 years since I was actually legitimately fat, and I still find myself wanting to let everyone I talk to know where I came from (and then wanting to stick my foot in my mouth because it really isn’t the best conversation starter haha). I also think for those of us who spent so many years being fat with low self esteem, it never gets tiring hearing someone tell us our accomplishments are honorable, or being surprised because they can’t imagine us at that weight. My thoughts are that once we’ve spent as much time healthy as we spent unhealthy, it should probably even out πŸ™‚ However, I do think that one of the hardest, but most important things is being able to say “That’s not who I am now.” I feel like actually getting rid of the mind set of “I am a fat person” is a way bigger process than actually losing the weight. In the mean time, it’s okay to tell people and let them think you’re awesome because you are and your accomplishment deserves to be celebrated!

  13. Love this post. I feel like you’ve earned some bragging rights! Don’t let the idea that it’s awkward to tell people get in the way of you enjoying your accomplishments.

  14. I am similar, but I find I am always reminding people I am still losing as I am not where I want to be and want people to know I am not happy here?!? I am still so self-concious of my weight, yet it is WAY better than the 255lbs I was… I don’t like to say how big I was… I find it embarrassing. I guess part of it is I had lost over a hundred pounds back in 2004 and kept it off for a few years, then gained my way back up to 227. I find it hard to admit this to people in real life. I find I get pity comments like, ” Wow, at least you are going in the right direction” or whatnot. Unfortunately I live in a small community and I am sure they talk about every pound I am up and down… Have you ever read Dietgirl’s blog? Shauna talks about moving to England from Australia and starting working with people who didn’t know she was overweight before…

  15. I agree with Holly and the the other commenters that I don’t see anything wrong with is since it is a huge part of your life and I’d rather someone share something they’re proud of and worked hard to achieve rather than, say, someone always bragging about what they bought.

  16. I can understand you, bc “being fat” is just part of your journey and has made you the person you are today, so why forget? Also I think being skinny (or just not being fat) doesnΒ΄t make you happy AT ALL, happiness truly comes from within) and just because you weigh less doesnΒ΄t mean you change dramatically. Everything happens for a reason and we should try to understand these reasons and be grateful for it.

  17. I completely understand how you feel! I do this a lot too. Especially because I still have 50+ that I want to lose, sometimes I feel like wearing a shirt that says: “I lost 50 lbs. and I have 50+ to go.” It’s terrible! But what we’ve gone through is part of who we are. It’s like surviving some major drama and coming out of it OK. I guess that’s why I feel the need to share my weight loss with strangers sometimes. It’s such a huge accomplishment that you just want to shout it from the rooftops!

  18. Long time reader, first time commenter. This post is me. Completely and totally and utterly me and the exact post I needed to read this week. I actually thought about writing one exactly like this on my long neglected blog.

    I’ve lost 50 pounds so far this year, started a new job in June, and have total word vomit about my weight loss to anyone that will witness. Somehow something comes up and I just CANNOT stop talking about the fact that I lost 50 pounds. I even talk about it to complete strangers like the teller at the bank on Tuesday!

    I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I don’t really know who I am anymore- having a bit of an identity crisis because if I don’t weigh 208 pounds, who am I? If I can’t hide behind being the chubby, quiet girl who’s funny with only her friends, what am I all about? I cry in the dressing room now because everything is too BIG, which is logically insane but I cannot for the life of me rationalize in my head that I’m smaller than I was. I see the numbers, but it doesn’t connect. It’s all super complicated and I’ve rambled quite a bit, but thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this post!

  19. Oh my gosh, YES! When I was at my goal weight I always wanted to tell people I’d lost weight. I worked hard and sometimes they commented on my food and wanted to let them know why I at so healthy.

    Now that I gained some weight with health issues I feel the need to justify why I’m heavier.

    I’m look for approval so that’s my biggest reason for doing it. I look for approval I did a good job with my health.

  20. About 6 or 7 years ago, I lost around 30 pounds. (I’ve since gained 2/3rds of it back, but that’s neither here nor there) I found myself in the opposite situation as you. I didn’t want people to know that I’d lost the weight because I was embarrassed that I used to be heavier. I wanted people to think that I’d been normal sized my whole life.

  21. First of all, you look simply amazing! And secondly, I don’t think anyone should ever entirely forget the person they were last year, three years ago, ten years ago..it’s the person that those situations that made you exactly who you are today! And you’re introduction of “Hi, I’m Gretchen and I’ve lost ____ pounds.” reminds me of what I do when someone compliments anything I’m wearing. If someone says “Nice top” I automatically reply with how much of a steal it was (because I buy everything on sale) “Thanks. Target. $7.99.” πŸ˜‰

  22. Hi Gretchen,
    Did u catch Susan’s blog post a while ago titled “Why your body can’t (and shouldn’t) make you happy”?
    http://thegreatbalancingact.com/page/2/

    It really resonated with me and be of interest to you too πŸ™‚

  23. Thank you for posting this, Gretchen! I don’t find myself telling people about my weight loss, but I struggle with the history of the weight loss. I feel like an impostor when I meet people now — as if this size 10 person isn’t who I am (I was wearing 20s at one time).
    Last night, I met someone else who runs, and I was talking about how scared I am to run my first half in November. “You’ll be totally fine,” she said. My brain was screaming: “Um, but she doesn’t know who I really am! She can’t know I’ll be fine!”
    I need to let that go. Sigh.

  24. I really appreciate your blog. I’m trying to change my lifestyle as you did a year ago and I think you’re pretty inspiring. So thanks for sharing.

    And as for having a disclaimer, well, I think it’s healthy to look back and see how far you’ve come. It also gives you a little extra motivation to continue to push yourself further.

    I have a friend who has been from obese to anorexic and is now at a healthy, workout extreme. She doesn’t ever talk about her previous experiences from the other two and I wonder sometimes if she could benefit from being a little more open about that history. For people who don’t know about it, it is tough to understand why someone would refuse to go to a movie because she has a workout planned. I don’t pretend to understand what she went through but I think being open about our struggles helps us connect to me people a little better.

  25. It might just be that on some subconscious level, when you meet new people, there is some sense of insecurity that is calmed when you can bring up your accomplishments. Internal voices saying, “what will they think of me? Will they like me? Did I make a good first impression?” It’s human nature. We want to be well liked and thought of in a positive light. Yes, you have lost 60 pounds and you look amazing and there is no question about that, but to a stranger who never knew who you were before, adding in what used to be is almost like that added validation. Someone brand new that you meet, you might worry, subconsciously, that even though you look amazing now, they are still labeling you as “fat” or “not a size 0” or “not perfect” or whatever stupid thing like that might come to mind. Throwing in, “well I lost 60 pounds” automatically makes that go away. It turns it into “oh, she may not be a size 0, but she’s lost 60 pounds, so I’m going to look at her differently now, with a sense of respect.” Does that make sense? I feel like that’s what it would be for me anyway, but I certainly can’t speak to whats going on in your head – only you know that my friend! Heck – for all I know – you could care less what other people think when you introduce yourself – which is awesome! πŸ™‚ I know what I think – no matter how many pounds you lose – U DA BOMB!

  26. I know you’ve probably figured this out already, but you have become a complete inspiration to me! I’m still struggling with trying to be honest with myself and others that I AM fat. It’s easy to look at someone heavier than me and say “Well, at least I don’t look like that!” but it’s a cop-out. And the weight I am? It’s a number. The number shouldn’t be embarrassing, and it shouldn’t be what determines my happiness. Looking better (because, c’mon, we all want to look our best!), feeling better, and being healthier have to be what determines my happiness! You and your blog were a HUGE kick in the pants that got me to start blogging *honestly* about my weight and my depression…and I thank you for it! Whenever I need a pick-me-up, I pop over here and your smiling face and honesty work like a charm – thank you for what you do!

  27. This is a great post and I think anybody that has lost a significant amount of weight goes through this. I lost around 100# and have kept it off (more or less, you know how it is) for over three years. So there are many people in my life now who have never known me as obese. It does tend to come up in conversation fairly early upon making a new friend, but I definitely don’t just spout that fact off to strangers or mere acquaintances. I work out a lot. I think about food a lot. I get self-conscious when I think people feel I am overly-obsessed with these things, so I feel the need to tell them that I used to weight 270# and it is essential that I keep these things in the forefront so that I never go back there. Forever. For the rest of my life. You are much younger than me, but I think that for anybody who was formerly very overweight that is just a fact. You have that tendency towards overeating that will forever be a part of you. I know I am a food addict. Anyway, you are not alone!

  28. You look great and if I accomplished something like that it would be the ONLY thing I talked about πŸ™‚
    You’re awesome. Keep up the good work!

  29. My first thought at reading this was that yes, you must be looking for some sort of affirmation that you’ve successfully lost weight. This prickled for me because it made me think you were “showing off”, but then when you said about not being able to let go of having been overweight before, it made me think again.

    I developed an eating disorder through dieting. Two, to be precise. I developed anorexia, followed by a period of binge eating. I’ve struggled with compulsive overeating in the years since then. Through counselling and giving up any formal dieting,I am getting to a point where I feel I am able and willing to make the changes necessary to get healthy and fit again, physically and mentally.

    I too am sometimes guilty of needing to tell people I once had an eating disorder. Only I’ll want to tell people about the anorexia, and not the binge eating (because one’s more shameful than the other, given how people view me). I guess sometimes, the fear of having other people see me as the overweight, fat girl has me shouting from the rooftops that I used to be skinny, however I got that way. I believe somewhere inside that people would understand the weight gain, excuse me for it even, if they knew I had issues with food. It affords me some kind of protection from judgement (or at least I use it as such).

    Perhaps, somewhere, you’re scared of people seeing you without the extra weight because of the things that scare you about being thin?

    Geneen Roth talks about this issue in a lot of her books, and it has been helping me gain some perspective about the benefits of being fat vs. thin.

    • To your credit, I don’t think it’s completely incorrect to say that part of this mentality isn’t coming from the “wanting to show off” part. I mean, I’m definitely not high-and-mighty enough to posit that I am above being vain, haha. That being said, you make a very interesting point about being scared of being thin. I’ve touched on my struggles with both binge eating and, to a lesser extent, bulimia and both of those were spurred not only from my messed up emotional dependency on food, but on my desire to be thin. Not healthy, thin. And the shift in my goals to really seek after health and happiness rather than simply a single digit dress size is what I feel like has helped me come this far. That being said, do I still crave being “skinny”? To want to buy clothing in a size 4 or audition for America’s Next Top Model or be somebody’s envy? Of course I do. I’m not sure that thought will ever really disappear completely (diminished though it may be right now.)

      I don’t think that it’s as simple for me as not wanting to forget I was overweight because I don’t want to let myself get back there. There is so much messed up thinking and disordered eating wrapped up in my overweight self, but I know that I’m not immune to it happening again, or even resurfacing in an even worse way, just because I happen to be lighter now. Maybe half of it is justifying that I’m still not as “thin” as I’d ideally like to be, so I have to make sure that people know “well, I used to be much bigger, so it’s okay.” And the other half… well, that’s still what I’m trying to figure out here.

      Thank you so much for your thoughtful and insightful comment, Heather. You have absolutely provided me with more “food” for thought. πŸ™‚

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  3. Fat Acceptance | Honey, I Shrunk the Gretchen! - [...] but after a certain point, it’s tiring to come up with new synonyms. I’m starting to finally make peace…

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