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Posted on Sep 10, 2010 in Dear Diary, Working Out | 4 comments

Mental Block

Totally meant to blog it up last night, but I got a little distracted due to this amazingness:

Oh, Vampire Diaries. So beautiful. So suspenseful. So vampirey. Ian Somerholder (Boone from Lost, and the hottie on the right) is so good I just want to have his tiny vampire babies. And though I lovelovelove Nina Dobrev, the main actress (in the middle), she’s just so beautiful it makes you hate her a little, haha. The season 2 premiere was last night, and let me just tell you, it did not disappoint. <3

Anyway, I wanted to blog about my day yesterday. In an attempt to make up for the super greasy caloric fries that I had at the ballpark the day before, I tried to be extra good yesterday. But I actually think that trying to be so good brought me in waaaay below my calorie goals, which left me feeling pretty rotten by the end of the day. I don’t know if it was the fact that my body was finally processing the fries, or if it was the low-calorie foods all day, but my tummy was not a happy camper.

It still isn’t too good now, really, although that might have something to do with the black coffee I downed once I got to work. I was really struggling this morning to get up, and kind of started falling asleep at my desk. First time drinking coffee black! It is super bitter and gross, but it did the job. I didn’t intend to drink it black, but for once I actually looked at the ingredient list on the fat-free creamer stuff in the fridge that I would normally use (hazelnut, mmm…) and saw partially hydrogenated soybean oil. Sigh. So I poured it sans-creamer into my already unsettled stomach because I didn’t want to consume the trans fats that we all know comes with anything “partially hydrogenated.” (“Eat This, Not That!” taught me is that foods are allowed to say things like “No Trans Fats!” on them as long as they contain less than 0.5 grams of trans fats. THAT IS NOT NONE!!! Tricksy, tricksy food industry…)

I am also super bloaty and just generally gross feeling, and especially felt that way yesterday. Again, maybe I was just retaining water because of the salt and oil in the foods from the ballgame, but I did not feel pretty. I went to Jazzercise with my Mommy after work (my mom said that I inspired her to finally start exercising too!)

But while I’m glad I went, I just felt sluggish and heavy the whole time. And this was the Jazzercise Lite class, too! Oh well, everyone has off days, I suppose. And at least I WENT to Jazzercise, right? And I even ended up getting my sweat on:

I just have to always be able to push through and keep my spirits up, even if I’m not feeling particularly great, or into it. I think that was one of my big downfalls in all previous attempts to lose weight – giving up when the going got tough, or even just a little bit less than perfect. I mean, everybody has “thin days” vs. “fat days”, and while arguably right now all of my days are fat days, there are definitely still times when I feel better about my body than others. It’s always an internal struggle for me either way though, because when I’m having a “fat” day, I feel discouraged and want to give up because the goal seems unattainable. But when I’m having a “thin” day, I still can’t let myself be happy with how I feel about myself. Call it women’s logic (i.e. craziness) but mentally it’s like I feel like if I’m ever happy with my body, as long as I’m still fat, I won’t have the motivation to keep going. So I can’t let myself get complacent, and I can’t let myself be happy with myself overweight, but on the other hand, I’m trying to be healthy in all senses of the word. And it’s definitely not a healthy mentality if you can’t love yourself the way you are now. Dilemmas, dilemmas.

Anyway, that’s enough heavy for right now. I hope everyone is excited for the weekend! I actually have a lot going on, so there should hopefully be some exciting posts to come (as long as I can make myself actually, you know, post them!) TGIF, everyone!


  1. You are exactly right…everyone has up days and down days. Key is to keep it focused on the long haul. Frankly, I think your healthy approach to this project is one of the things that impresses me most. It is not a reflection of self-loathing and crash dieting (and bulimia, etc). Rather you are changing your lifestyle, being more aware of what you eat and the balance between food intake and energy expenditure! You are not mindlessly depriving yourself. You are still eating out occasionally…but making smarter choices! That gas the potential of a permanent improvement in your health AND body shape!! Win/Win!! Proud of you!

  2. I am proud of you for realizing that to make permanent changes you need to make lifestyle changes. What you are establishing now in terms of eating habits and awareness is going to help you for the rest of your life! Everyone has their up and down days- the trick is to just keep pushing on (Dorie popped into my head “just keep swimming” haha).
    Don’t be complacent, but don’t give yourself a hard time for small slip-ups or “fat days” and treasure those skinny days (no matter what that means for you)!

  3. Gretchen, my main piece of advice for you is: if you have a day where you feel like you indulge too much (e.g. the fries), don’t restrict your calories the next day to make up for it. That will just set you up to be in a vicious cycle of overdoing it and then underdoing it, which will in turn make you want to overdo it again since you’re so hungry, etc. If I feel like I overdo it, I just make sure to eat super healthy the next day, but I don’t limit calories at all. No point in setting yourself up to fail by being too hungry! Just make sure the calories are nutrient dense and delicious 🙂

    And, way to go ditching the creamer! Stick with skim milk and maybe a little real sugar or agave nectar 🙂

  4. First off, I love Vampire Diaries! Last night’s episode just about killed me, OMG!
    As for the thin days vs. fat days, I think a lot of the time they are related to how I eat/treat myself. If I eat well/treat myself well, I feel thin (or ya know… getting there) and if I eat poorly/treat myself poorly, I feel fat. Which leads to more emotional eating and to feeling even worse. So I think for me the key is not to get to the point where I feel like I’ve eaten unhealthily all day. That doesn’t mean I don’t eat fries or whatever, it just means I don’t have crap all day and make sure to fit the food into my WW points budget.
    I also agree with Anne that it may be better to just move on and not make up for a day that you overate by undereating. Just move on and go back to your normal eating.


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